Everything You Wanted To Know About Preparing for End of Times, but Didn't Give a Crap

Let me preface this with the statement that I LOVE my mother-in-law.  She's petite, she's sassy, she's generous, she proudly sports the box o' wine and she put in 50% to make my wife (I'm not actually sure that is how genetics works, but I'm Catholic so you should just be proud I actually know how babies are made and that they are not delivered like Dominoes pizza).  My mother-in-law also believes in and plans for End of Times.

She has stockpiled canned goods, water, batteries and a generator.  She had bottles and bottles of wine (no one said End of Times has to be completely sad).  We were legit at a grocery store and she saw a 10lb bag of rice and she stopped and contemplated buying it.  There are other suplies hidden in secret places that I won't divulge in as this is the interwebs, but let's just make a mental note that these exist.

This had me thinking, "Kate?  What would you pack for End of Times?".  Before answering myself, I complimented myself on how great my hair was looking today and asked if I had lost a few pounds (even though I KNEW I hadn't, it's just polite).

Kate's List of Needs for End of Times:
1. iPad, MacBook Pro, iPhone.  Yes I know internet won't exist, but I have 3 separate games of Bejeweled going on in each device and I would be really pissed if I didn't end all things without a high score.  I have the whole season of West Wing and if a generation rises from the the destruction I will label The West Wing as documentary history of our government and they will build their nation upon its teachings... a kind of Sorkin 10 Commandments if you will.  Everyone will also be fit from all the walk & talks. Also, this will probably be the only time I could read Shades of Grey without looking like a tool.

2. Nutella, Coke Zero, Cheese Puffs and Box o' Wine.  I guarantee that even without me hoarding these items they will all survive End of Times along with Twinkies, cockroaches and Mick Jagger.

3. My bike.  I'm a horrible walker.  I fall over a lot.

4. Monopoly.  Maybe, with nothing else going on in the world, someone might actually finish the game without throwing the bank at the person that just sent you directly to jail again and screaming a stream of obscenities that rival Chris Rock.

5. Batman.  For those of you who don't know Batman, he is one of our cats.  He is the Jabba the Hut of cats, yet is extremely stealth.  He can hold down a couch like none other body of mass and yet manages to pick locks into your bedroom at night (after 2 hours of body slamming the door) to sit on your head and knock every piece of matter made of glass off a surface just to tell you he's hungry (artist rendering below).  But I feel, in a matter of safety, Batman would step up to the plate and protect us.  Or just step up to the plate because it has food on it.

So when it appears that End of Times is coming (4 Horsemen, banks crashing, the Red Line functioning at perfect service) look to the highest mountain top as I will be there, like Moses, hoisting my iPad to the sky beaming an image of Sara Ramirez blasting the soundtrack from Wicked that will lead you to safety... in Bristol, CT.