I'm An Idiot

I think, if you've been following my blog, you may have come to discover that I am, in short terms, an idiot.  Now I'm not bashing my intelligence as I work in software marketing and have the ability to logically analyze problems and convey a resolution to people that build computers down to the level of competency that allows you to open a jar.  I'm saying, that I have a habit of creating awkward situations... I also mentally giggle when I write analyze and I'm sure the rest of your 13 year olds out there do the same.  It also doesn't help that my hearing is going.  My wife has to repeat herself so many times that we may start to communicate in a series of clicks and hand gestures.  With this lovely attribute about myself combined with "Kate Luck" (see http://itsallpowertoolsandshowtunes.blogspot.com/2011/08/its-called-kate-luck.html) I present a play in 1 act entitled "Awksauce".

I recently went to get my hair cut in a hole-in-the-wall salon in Dorchester.  <High fives all around that I didn't get shot>.  I walked in and the woman behind the desk greeted me and asked me how she could help me.  I said I needed a hair cut and she started showing me back to the chairs.

...so far normal right?...

The woman made polite chitchat as we walked and then when she turned and said, "##### your ## la ### name, dear?".  I swear I heard what is your last name.  I quickly responded, "Curtis".  She paused, looked me up and down and replied, "Well... that's different and lovely...".  I paused and gave her an odd look.  Curtis is different and lovely?

5 minutes had passed and she turned to get my attention from across the room and said, "Curtis, come back so I can wash your hair."  It was then that I realized I am a deaf asshat.  A normal person would just correct her, make light of the situation and move on.  Not me.  That did not pop up in my mind as a rational option.  I then hung onto this story tighter than Bieber hangs onto his man bangs.

I created a whole story of how Curtis is a family name of a great grandfather who came to the US with a ticket he won in a card game (I may have watched Titanic lately).  The trials and tribulations of growing up a girl with a boy name including a certain altercation that happened on a playground with a kid that got me sent to detention.  Discussions of how employers can be sexist as they assume Curtis should be a boy.  Why I won't just change my name to something more feminine like Kate.  And finally how funny it would be if I married someone with the last name Curtis.

When we were done I went to an ATM to get cash to pay so she wouldn't look at my credit card name. Now, I could look back at this and think... you're an idiot.  Or I could look back at this and imagine that that hairstylist went home that day with this great conversation in her mind and decide that her next born female should be named Curtis as she will grow up to be this amazing person in her chair...

Mental note: When I strike it rich I'm starting a trust for all girls in the Dorchester born after May 21, 2012 named Curtis and in the memo of the check I'll write, "I'm an idiot: don't watch Titanic".